The balancing act of your life is engulfed in being super (your name here). You have so much to balance, all the time. As we approach the 1-year mark of the pandemic, we find ourselves doing a little bit of backward spiraling. Usually, we spring forward into a new year with new goals to accomplish. This year has been quite different. We find ourselves on an insane hampster wheel of trying to thrive amongst our survival. We are in back and forth patterns, making a plethora of daily decisions, and frankly, not feeling how any of us felt prior to March 2020. This doesn't mean that things are all bad because honestly, they aren't but there is still this deep longing for the normalcy that once existed. We're still grieving all that we've lost just this past year.
This balancing act of being supernatural and doing all of the things may feel like it's all crumbling. You may get to a good space and then find yourself falling right back into a familiar space. Redundant patterns, thoughts, or habits. Have you questioned why things aren't sticking or remaining consistent? I have certainly found myself asking this question over and over.
My balancing act of being my authentic self while tackling my compounded realities carries some serious weight. I'm heavily grieving this dynamic change we've experienced for almost a year now but more importantly, as brain-consuming as that is, I am still dealing with the 34 years of stuff prior to March 2020.
It feels like a container with no compartments and everything is just rattled and spilling over inside. I want to be a good person, wife, friend, sister, granddaughter, etc., and be supportive and available for those I care about. I also want to be completely alone on a beach reading a good book. Make it make sense! Well, friend, it doesn't and that's just something I have to tell you is a lingering effect of this mess we're currently in.
If you wear many hats and find yourself balancing many acts then you're sure to feel this definitive exhaustion, fatigue, and tiredness.
You want to eat right but then you also want to stress eat. You want to call friends and be happy but you also want to consistently cry in bed. You want to be grateful you have a job but you also have murderous thoughts about your co-workers. You want to be ok just showing up but you also have to face the reality of your existence as a Black person in this country. You want to successfully run your business but you also don't want to do any of it. You want to be kinder to your partner but you also need to vent about the complexities at play in your mind.
This ish is hard. Point. blank. period!
If you feel that your balancing act is crumbling that's because it's now a cyclical balance. You're just simply going through the cycles of this new compounded reality. One cycle ends, another begins, the one before repeats itself, a different one begins, and so on and so forth. They're jumbled, they're difficult, and to be honest, discouraging.
I'm here to tell you that YOU ARE NOT ALONE!.
These are not the answers you may be looking for but if you don't get anything from this besides knowing that you're not alone, I want to provide you with 3 simple things that will instantly help with the space you're in:
Set boundaries- set boundaries with yourself, first. Hey Self, I promise to not internalize any moment I need a pause or want to take a break, I simply deserve this for my own sanity. I set an intention to not feel bad about the decisions I make for myself. I certainly set boundaries with others but it is far too often that I don't even set a boundary with myself.
Find a community- find a community of care. It's important to know you're not alone but also to process those feelings with others. Your community could be your therapist, counselor, friends, partner, or support group. Just find others living this crazy life who are willing to work through it all alongside you. I'm here if you need me.
Remember the compounded realities- remember all the things you are balancing. Show yourself some grace for being human and in most cases superhuman in your ability to carry so many things. It helps me to write out all that I do and really sit in amazement at myself. Like how? It's not normal to be overworked and tired. It's a socialized phenomenon. Even Jesus rested. Remember all the things you balance and marvel at the fact that you can even do it at all. This helps to plant yourself in gratitude for all that you do take on (voluntary or involuntarily).
As we approach that 1-year mark, I encourage you to make a list of all of the decisions you've made for just simple things like your health, safety, mental health, happiness, grief, time-management, work-life-balance, fitness, etc. You've had to make decisions around survival more than usual. How can you take those moments that feel like they're crumbling and uplift those plates filled with your achievements?
Don't forget! "It's not on you, it's in you and what's in you, they can not take away"..word to Nip (always)
Until next time,
Peace & Sweet Dreaming,
Kiylise Lowe, Chief Dream Engineer